Ladies of all ages often ask me the question “How do I get my ex boyfriend back?” A psychologist friend of mine told me that she always replies to this question with the easy answer of, “just call him, and ask him out on another first date.” But it is not that simple is it? Because beneath that word ‘how’ is a whole set of other questions. Like, why did he leave me in the first place? Was it something I did or said, or something I didn’t do or should have said? Has he found someone else or is he just bored with me? Am I really worthy of him?
So you see, ladies who ask me the simple question ” How do I get my ex boyfriend back?” are really looking for the secrets of nurturing a successful relationship. Because they don’t want just to ‘get back together’ they want a better, deeper, more meaningful and longer lasting relationship.
A word of caution here before I go on to tell you all what you already know of the secrets of nurturing a relationship. It is this, has your ex boyfriend ever hit you or shown verbal violence towards you at any time? If the answer to this question is yes, then I’m wondering why would you want to get him back? DO NOT DO IT! Leopards do not change their spots they just become better leopards. Violence of any sort, and verbal violence always transforms into actual violence over time, is inexcusable and it is time for you to move on and find a REAL man.
Having got that word of caution out of the way I can return to the original point of just calling him in an effort to get back together. Before you call him and ask for that next first date realize this; In a relationship you own just 50% of it but you own 100% of your behavior. Realize too that if you want a new relationship with your ex boyfriend you need to start doing something different. To go on behaving in the same way and to expect a different result is just crazy.
So the question isn’t “How do I get my ex boyfriend back?” The question is what are you going to do differently this time around? All relationship breakdowns are a failure of communication. Ladies are better at communication than men generally speaking. So one thing you can and must do differently is to listen and respond with empathy to your ex boyfriend. Were you jealous and overwhelming? Therapy, even hypnotherapy can help? Were you sexually incompatible? Listening and talking through anything can help and again couples therapy can really help you do this.
If you decide you want your ex back, it can be done. Sound advice and positive action is needed. But don’t wait too long because there is a time when it is too late to do anything about it.
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