I just read a fantastic article that explained some of the resistance that men face from women when they are trying to ask them out or pick them up.
The basic premise was that women are worried you are some creepy rapist, so you need to make a great effort to prove you are a good guy. All the time. And if you aren’t a good guy, karma is a bitch. I wouldn’t want to be you.
See, the honest truth is that women do not walk through this world feeling safe and powerful. Women are vulnerable and they must have a protective shield up at all times. There are a lot of creeps out there. Yes, I know you are not one and you are only interested in meeting the girl of your dreams or even your future wife (same girl, I know!). But women don’t know that about you off the bat.
When you walk up to a woman she doesn’t know if your intentions are honorable or you are just some jackhole who is trying to hurt her or take advantage of her. So right off the bat this woman is going to be protecting her emotions and feelings from someone she knows nothing about.
But here’s the other thing – the bigger thing — women are also physically vulnerable. They hear horror stories of creeps who want to do physical harm to them. They are raised (and rightly so) to be wary of men they don’t know. Heck, if I have kids and they are girls, I’ll be damn sure to raise them this way.
So why, as guys who understand this, are we surprised when women have a shield up and repel our advances? It’s not rocket science. It makes perfect sense to me. The question is, what to do about it?
The first thing to keep in mind is when you are approaching a woman; she is evaluating you on numerous levels. Yes, she’s looking at how physically attractive you are and if there is a spark, but more important than that? She’s evaluating the risk of you doing physical harm to her. Therefore, if you are a guy with a face full of tattoos or who is a slob or just gives off a bad first impression, I would recommend that you skip a cold approach and go for an introduction.
But say you are a clean-cut guy known for being a nice guy. Then what can you do? You need to buy, beg or borrow a book on body language and memorize it. That way you can tell if she is open to your approach before either of you say word one.
Once a conversation is initiated, you better make darn sure that everything that comes out of your mouth and everything you do shows your respect for women. If you have some bad habits that may indicate disrespect for women, you’re sunk. You need to truly look at your behavior and what you say. I suggest you ask a female friend you trust, such as a cousin or sister or even your mother, if you ever act disrespectful to women. Have them give examples and vow to banish those from your behaviors and actions immediately.
If you pay attention to these tips and act with honesty and integrity in all your interactions, I know you will be successful in the dating world.